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Monday, 3 March 2014

The Charge of the Light Brigade

As I was saying to my long lost and greatly lamented friend Alfred Lord Tennyson. "That Florence she'll be the death of me."

There we were charging down the valley; guns to the left of us, guns to the right of us and not a life policy amongst any of us.

Now I don't want to tempt Fate but things happening in the Crimea, on past form, do get out of hand. What might have started as a minor skirmish in  some sea side resort on the Black Sea can end up lobbing up on the beaches of Brighton ( and Hove).

Can I remind you that we declared war on Russia on 28th March 1854 , the French got there a day earlier, but they tend to be a bit premature. One hundred and sixty years and 25 days. We messed up last time big time. Now we have an opportunity to set the record straight. The Americans haven't fought a war they've lost since 2003. So the omens are ripe.

Frankly it's those pesky Ukrainian Cossacks and Tartars. Had they been sensible and rolled over in the 18th century we wouldn't have all this trouble. Russia would be eye ball to eye ball with Poland and we'd still have the Communists in the Kremlin. But you'd knew where you stood. One step away from nuclear wipe out. That makes life choices so simple.

Now what have we got. A group of lefties in the cradle of Russia Kiev wanting to be more like the Germans  and a load of Russians in the east of Ukraine seeing this as an opportunity to right a major geopolitical cock - up. Then we have us. The West. I ask you: would you feel safe letting your daughter date any of the West's leaders - except Angela of course.

We now are so distracted by the housing market that we are quite happy to see many of our people unable ever to buy a home, or rent at a reasonable rate, as long as the free wheeling oligarchs of Russia and other equally corrupt nations can buy up London.

I read a scarey headline the other day "60% of home owners haven't experienced an interest rate rise."  Not as scarey as "100% of our politicians haven't known a real crisis and 110% of them wouldn't have the faintest idea what to do".

To quote Tennyson:

"Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
 Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred."

 Our political leaders would build a toll road round the Valley of Death and blame inclement weather for the delays.


Steve said...

And McDonalds would open a drive-thru at the mouth of the valley which, for once, would be an honest marketing campaign.

Bojo said...

I have no problem getting dates

Jack the Hat said...

I am sick off the smell of Borshch
and Bilini wafting from my neighbour's house. Cut it out Vlad or the boys will come round!

Anonymous said...

I blame Kennedy. Should have nuked them way back in 63. Would have sorted a lot of problems. In any event thought the Sochi games were overrated.

Nota Bene said...

There's a saying that bares repeating. "Don't f*ck with a former head of the KGB" Any way, I'm waiting for the Daily Mail to print a story about it being the EU's fault...first of all they don't let us eat straight bananas, and now the want to include those commies...

Anonymous said...

Не берите мочу Englishperson, или я сброшу бомбу на вашем распределении

Marginalia said...

Dear guys, I'm so proud of you. When our nation is endangered, when liberty's fragile grasp is suspect you make your mark.

Steve, protector of our inalienable right to bull shit.

Bojo, a man's man.

JtH, cooking expert extraordinary.

Anon, still trying to get over Marilyn.

NB. Not sure what medication you're on, but I'd up it.

Anon2 (Putin). Get your tanks out of my backyard.