“Left hand down a bit, Mr. Phillips”

Up at sparrow’s fart this morning as the kayakers had to meet up in the Mud Room at 8 am. After a decidedly refreshing shower and spruce up I was into my thermals and to the aforementioned Mud Room after a short detour to the restaurant for a semi full “English”.

In the Mud Room we were greeted by our kayak tutors and were first shown what we had to wear and how to get into it. I now know what it’s like to go into space. First there was the dry suit which covered you from tip to toe and sealed you in – not a drop cold Antarctic would touch your skin. Next the skirt which plugged you into your kayak and finally the life jacket. Having put all this clobber on, had it checked and then removed one was sweating like the proverbial pig.

There then followed the lesson on the kayak. How you were going to get into it from a Zodiac boat, how to sit and what to do should you, unfortunately capsize. What we were told was quite reassuring since our tutor had not lost one of his pupils in four years. I’m reassessing my desire to get up close and personal to a whale or large leopard seal.

All this took an hour and a half. We then had to assemble in the “Discovery” lounge for our mandatory lecture on the Antarctic, its history, wild life and most importantly what you can and cannot do on the land. You can’t block a penguin super highway – tracks in the snow that the penguins use to get about their colonies. You can’t get too close: keep your distance otherwise the poor critters get distressed. You can’t go to the loo. If you’re caught short on land a Zodiac will whisk you back to the boat and toilets.

Getting in and out of a Zodiac is a skill we all have to master – mainly moving about on one’s arse. It’s Importantl you don’t miss the last one home. If you think you have you jump up and down shouting loudly “What about me you bastards.” Luckily they count you off the boat and back on again so if you’re left behind they know.

After that we had to register in Zodiac teams. So it you want to go with your companion in the same Zodiac you sign up for the same team. Joining a different team to that of your partner is a great way of announcing the delivery of divorce papers once you’ve returned home. The kayakers were auto enrolled on the “Mallory” team.

Next we marched down to the “Mud Room” with all the clothes and equipment we’d use landing on Antarctica. There they’d be checked and vacuumed to ensure we didn’t deposit any nasties on those pristine lands. That led on to the wellie boot fitting exercise and the sheep dip where our willies were wiped clean of any uninvited guests. We rounded off this mammoth exercise in comprehension and retention by signing some sort of Convention – it could have been the Test Ban Treaty for all I cared by then.

Time to ourselves as we left the shelter of Argentina and the Beagle Canal and headed out into Drake’s Passage proper. Last night because there was a storm blowing up Drake we stayed over in a safe anchorage. By midday we were experiencing interesting seas as lunch is being served.

This afternoon there’s a lecture on some on going scientific work – possibly investigating the contents of passengers stomachs after we were hit by a few substantial waves.