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Wednesday, 31 August 2016

The Return of the Pink Panther

I've been having a look at the statistics behind my blog. They make fascinating reading.

My readership seems to change over time. Overall, since I began this blog in 2010, most of the page views are from the USA. This is not really a surprise since it's a big place, they invented most things blog wise and they appreciate good writing (sic). Second in the all time totals is France, ahead of the UK.

France is way ahead in page views in August with more than the others in the  top ten taken together. The UAE and Saudi Arabia are 2nd and 3rd this month with the USA in 4th ahead of the UK in 5th place. This week France is well ahead of Russia in 2nd place and the USA and UK are low down on the list.

Why France? My half sister lives there but I can't imagine she'd show much interest in my ramblings.

I was wondering if I was seen as a bell weather of English public opinion by those in  the Elysée  Palace. Le President reads my posts and the French Government decides its foreign policy - well I did vote for Brexit when most of the experts and commentators here were saying we'd vote to remain in the EU. A friend of mine is on holiday in Provence with his wife and her family but even so I don't think they'd account for the volume of clicks from France.

Would the "snoopers" register in my statistics? Is the  Agence Nationale de la Sécurité des Systèmes d'Information reading my posts to find out when I'm next planning to disrupt the Parisian Metro or sabotaging the French wine industry by pointing out that French wine is still too expensive and a bottle of Lidl's Chilean Cab Sav  is worth two of Chateau Lafit? What would Inspector Clouseau make of my musings? Is Jason Bourne listening in somewhere in the 18th arondissement? If so, am I on his hit list?

Jason if you're reading this I'm one of your most loyal fans: I've all your films on DVD and I'm lobbying Netflix to add them to their streaming service.

I try not think about my Russian audience. I've double checked and as far as I can see I've not said anything too disparaging about President Putin or the Russian Mafia. I certainly don't support Chelsea or any other English football club owned by exiled Russian oligarchs- honest!

I can't image any imam in Saudi Arabia or the UAE knocking up a “fatwā”or two in response to any of my posts. But to be safe I writing this facing Mecca.

Even though it doesn't register on my list it wouldn't surprise me if one of my fans was the Supreme Leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Kim Jung-un is known to be a keen follower of degenerate Western fashion and I suppose you don't get any more degenerate than a blogger platform owned by Google. If the beloved Kim is an occasional reader of my humble blog  may I suggest he peruse my post of May this year?  "Farmer Giles of Ham" which describes in some detail the workings of a proletariat agricultural collective - an "allotment".

That leaves the good old US of A.

"Hi there. ol' buddy!"

 Let me point out straight away that I had nothing to do with the EU's ruling that Apple owes the Irish Government 10 billion Euros. I am a great admirer of Apple and all those super efficient and ubiquitous American IT and social media companies. I'm fairly laid back about you CIA guys inserting a back door in my iPhone, laptop, PC and networking software. You need to know what people are saying about you: I understand that.  Especially now that one of your Presidential candidates is attracting so much ridicule. Quite frankly if I had my way I'd leave world wide security to Captain America, supported by Thor and Iron Man and possibly the Hulk. After all America is threatened on all sides by nefarious wrongdoers and do-gooders.  You simply can't rely on the Second Amendment.

Anyway, I pleased whoever reads my posts. Who knows in 5 years time some security chief on  Proxima b might be tuning in to one of them....

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