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Sunday, 15 March 2015

The Village of the Damned

We’re really excited in Poet’s Corner. We’re now part of Walthamstow Village. It’s true: it must be ‘cause the Council says so.

At the weekend thro’ our letter box arrived the good news. Opening up the lovely estate agent styled leaflet from our Council, creatively titled “Mini-Holland Waltham Forest”, was a map showing, in a limey green, Walthamstow village – and it included Poet’s Corner.

No longer do we have to mutter apologetically “on the borders of…” when friends enquire if we live in the Village. Now we can, with confidence, reply “At its heart, old bean!”

House prices will double now we are in the village. Quaint coffee bars and new eateries will pop up on the corner of Browns and Milton Roads; artisan cheese-makers, bread kneaders and cobblers will add that “je ne sais quoi” to our little piece of ‘eaven.

We will have to compete with the newly created Markhouse and Blackhorse Villages just across Hoe Street, but let’s admit it they just don’t have the cache or the rustic feel of “Walthamstow Village”.

We’re planning installing street signs on the lines of “Quiet please, you’re entering Poets’ Corner, Walthamstow Village.” Or something similar. Also, a few residents are already considering petitioning the Post Office to provide a more appropriate Postal Code.

This will, of course, be a godsend to the innumerable estate agents on Hoe Street. I knew something was afoot when Foxtons arrived, but in my wildest dreams I did not expect this.

A friend of mine who’d recently moved from Poets' Corner to Cambridge and visiting her old haunts the other weekend commented that Walthamstow is really on the up. I can’t wait to tell her the latest news. No chance now of her being able to afford to move back.

7 comments:

Bojo said...

Have you appointed a village idiot yet?

Mr and Mrs said...

The explosion in house prices will be a godsend. You can be confident that your care home costs will be met. My husband used to be a bit of a financial whiz.

Jack the Hat said...

Be careful what you wish for mate....the Ruskies will start moving in soon. Order your I love Vlad poster now!

Steve said...

Your inflated council tax bill is in the post. Or already in your inbox.

Anonymous said...

Suppose you'll be telling us next that you grow your own on Allotment Village

Anonymous said...

Are you the only grey in the village (geddit)?

Barry Coidan said...


Dear Bojo: Yes the Mayor.

Dear Mr & Mrs: Yes, I'm planning to put the missus in one fairly soon.

Dear JtH: It's too late: we're currently hosting the Red Army.

Dear Steve: Do you work for the Council?

Dear Anon 1: Of course, the rhubarb is coming along a treat.

Dear Anon 2: Nice one.