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Wednesday, 10 September 2014


I’ve been researching the background to Calvinism and came across an interesting titbit.

Apparently there’s an additional gospel which has been suppressed by the ancestors of the “Better Together” people.

In it it talks of three great leaders visiting the Northern Lands at a time of great crisis when the world will split asunder. They arrive carried in the talons of great birds and harangue the weak-minded inhabitants of the Northern Lands about the disaster that is about to befall them should they follow the false prophets of the Sassenachs eat my Nuts Party (SNP).

They brought  gifts, well, actually IOUs and PowerPoint presentations promising, it turns out, not very much.

The first Magi - David attempted to pull at the heart strings - for him the Great Kingdom of us and them was more important than his wife. Contrary to the traditional biblical tale - he was presented with a ripe raspberry.

Next was young Edward. He promised a new start - he said he only had the Northlanders interest at heart. Except he couldn’t explain why only now he’d visited these far flung lands.

Then there was the one called Clegg - no one knows his first name. But he was swallowed up by a bog of indifference the moment he landed and no one knows what he said.

Finally there arrived John the Aged - a venerable survivor of the Age of Anthony. Loved by the weak-minded he was regularly rolled out to capture the non Islington vote. Except now he was not the bringer of the Good News, rather a reminder of the Age of Unfettered, Liberal capitalism embraced by Anthony and his acolytes.

It is foretold in the Runes of Mori  that the tribes of Yes will smite the tribes of No, but it will be a close run thing.

And the Very Venerable (and Ancient) John of the B flat Major has warned of knashing of teeth and the revenge of the  Curried Furies. But he’s an old fart so he was left in a Radio Four studio to mutter to himself and Mrs Trellis of Tring.


Jack the Hat said...

Magi, Magi, Magi - out, out, out

Anonymous said...

We can recognise all of the characters in this amusing tale except Clegg. Is that the chap from the Last of the Summer Wine?
We watch it all the time on Dave.

Cybernat said...

Pure dead brilliant!

Barry Coidan said...

Dear JtH, very good.

Dear Anon, He could be.

Dear Cybernat, thank you.

Steve said...

Will Mel Gibson star in the film version?

Barry Coidan said...

No that's gone to Sean.

Jack the Hat said...

Rule Brittania!