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Friday, 4 July 2014

Dead Poets Society


We're famous. In print. Splashed across the front pages of all the nationals. Been door stepped by Rebecca and phone hacked by Coulson....

Not exactly. That's how the movie ran inside my head. "Aged creative genius wins Nobel Prize for doing something extra-ordinary". "First visitation of aliens from Sirus Minor honour Walthamstow's man of genius." 

All it is is that one of our local estate agents have featured us in their free mag. They're all doing it. Splashing out on glossy, high end mags, with lush pics of hugely overpriced properties in places a few years ago no one in their right mind would ever think of living in.

"P.O.A". What the hell does that mean? It's simply a ruse- to persuade those with more money than sense that this property is sooooo..brill you have to go on bended knee to have any chance of viewing it.

You don't have to know anything about macro -economics to be an Estate Agent. In fact the less you know the better. What you need to be able to do is to write total nonsense.

If someone was asking O.I. E. O. £3,250,000, I'd expect my estate agent to come up with something better than " it is cleverly arranged over 4 floors.." or "Outside there is plenty of parking facilities" whatever that means.

Where do these people go to school! "On one of the most sought after roads...the ever popular.."  God.

The trouble is there is this picture of a lovely Grade II listed lease hold property for £850k.

The magazine bangs on about Chigwell. For some unexplicable reason it is extremely popular. It is the epitome of "The Only Way is Essex." Mercs and blacked out BMWs, tanning salons and hideous accents. It is full of overlarge, gangster style mansions with Palladium arches and garden gnomes, loud kids and even louder parents banging on about their last holiday in jail in Miami.  

That's my rant over with.

On to our fame. There's a two page spread - well to the back of the mag - about our Poets for Sale installation of 30 Estate Agent styled displays. These spent a month in the front gardens of residents in our local area called Poets Corner and attracted hardly any notice.....

The 30 signs are now in the garden of our local museum; the poets in residence communing with nature and providing a distraction from life's daily grind. The Vestry Museum is full of musings with our poets Ent like intoning.


Steve said...

When they interview you on The Culture Show, remember us little people.

Barry Coidan said...

Mais oui, mon ami.

Anonymous said...

Blog for sale. Tastefully presented. Only one owner. Great potential. Would suit aspirational writer. Offers over 50p

Jack the Hat said...

Leave off...some of my gran kids live in Chigwell. Nice kids they are

Bojo said...

London loves aged creative geniuses. Paul Raymond was a good example


Can you remind your readers who paid for the boards.....?!

Anonymous said...

Estate agents are as popular as German sausage in Brazil

Barry Coidan said...

Dear Anon1 - Only 50p..

Dear JtH, my sympathies.

Dear Bojo, ah, the old Soho of seedy strip joints and dodgy cafes.

Dear EA..Churchill Estates

Dear Anon2. I think the sausage is possibly more popular.