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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Days of Thunder

I've discovered Twitter!

It's like discovering sex in my teens. I can't get enough of it.

Facebook is so yesterday. I sold my stock the moment Warren Buffett tweeted "sell". Facebook is a bit like old ladies talking over the fence. Tweeting is in your face, street wise,heavy dude...Yeah man.

Well, anyway I think it's great. There used to be a chatter board at work - officially sanctioned and it soon became the place where you could play word games. People would write something really straight and serious and we'd get back with one word put downs, or non sequiturs. It broke up the day. You'd be thinking about how to tell your boss that his latest idea was a load of crap, but you just hadn't the words or nerve. Then you'd see something on the chat board that was really ready to be shot down. It just got the creative juices working and before you knew it - you'd told your boss in elegant prose what a prat he was.

Except that Twitter is an irony free zone. Apparently  tweeting is about re tweeting some pearl of wisdom from David Aaronovitch, or some other worthy hack, or saying how marvellous something or other was. Twitter is not a cut down version of Facebook. Posting a pic of your mum with a cryptic line like "Love You" is not a tweet. It's a waste of space.

There ought to an exam before you're allowed to tweet. The test would be "Do you follow Stephen Fry or any one of the following million "celebs"". A Yes would be an instant fail. Next, are you American - a yes will get you "nil point". Then you'll be asked about your political views. If you have any you're barred. The tweetosphere has been hell these last few days with Bolivian freedom fighters and legitimate rapist masquerading as US congressmen. Finally, if you follow The Guardian or The BBC in whatever guise, you're banned for life. Following me, however,  will get you massive brownie points.

To illustrate my point about Twitter being an irony free zone and the dead hand of Americans, the following is a recent example.

The Augusta  golf club has just allowed in its first women members, one of whom is that lovely  Condoleezza Rice. Someone had tweeted (ironically I think, which is ironic)"Well done Augusta". So I replied "After Condoleezza is she the next female golfer". In less than a tweet of gnat's fart I get a "You're followed" message from a rabid anti feminist golfer. I just love it!

8 comments:

Steve said...

Twitter is a a melting pot of soundbites and the chirruping of fools. In my opinion.

(that would make a great tweet)

George Wallace said...

The ladies have no idea to do with a four iron. On the other hand, when it comes to mixing the post match drinks....

Marginalia said...

Dear Steve, what a lovely word - chirruping. One should use it at least once a week.

Dear GW, Good to hear from you after so long.

Anonymous said...

Your readers await your teenage memoirs with interest! Fifty shades of whey hey?!

Marginalia said...

Dear Anon, how droll!

I hope my memoirs would be better written, if less exciting.

Stephen Fry said...

Why pray, do you single me out? Jealousy perhaps. Being a man of the arts I have to live with this daily. A cross which I have to bear. But as Oscar said always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Marginalia said...

Oh, SF put a bloody sock in it!

Stephen Fry said...

I have nothing to declare except my socks (0 Wilde)