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Saturday, 14 July 2012

Radioactive Cannibal Vikings From Hell

Speak to any successful businessman, it doesn't matter in what area of the economy, and he'll tell you that one of the keys to success is foresight, planning and knowing the important nitty gritty of the business. You've just got to talk to Britain's most successful businessmen and CEO's to know how true this is.

Let's hear how this is put into practice:

 Nick Buckles,  (soon to be ex) Group Chief Executive of G4S when asked on Saturday's "Today" programme when he knew that they couldn't deliver the number of security guards they contracted for: "8 days ago".

Bob Diamond, ex (disgraced?) CEO of Barclay's: when questioned when he knew about LIBOR fixing; "When I read the FSA report of their investigations."

The Munster, sorry, the Murdoch family...well apparently never, had no idea, about hacking...

None seemed to worry too much about what their employees were doing or the  important nitty gritty of the job.

Nick Buckling, under the strain of being shown to be overpaid and useless, when asked if he knew whether all the security guards to be employed at the Olympic sites could speak/understand English, frankly couldn't put hand on heart. All he could say was they had to have the appropriate certificates.  Right, and that's acceptable quality control.

Bob Diamond, didn't know that any of the dealers were fixing LIBOR - this from a man who prided himself on transforming Barclay's Capital.

The Morlocks knew nothing about how the newspaper industry works.

Listening to Nick "One, Two Buckle My Shoe" interviewed he sounded like a lost school boy. Clearly overwhelmed by events. So different from the image carefully crafted by their Corporate website.

To quote from 4GS "Our Values"

Customer Focus – we have close, open relationships with our customers that generate trust and we work in partnership for the mutual benefit of our organisations.

Expertise – we develop and demonstrate our expertise through our innovative and leading-edge approach to creating and delivering the right solution.

Performance – we challenge ourselves to improve performance year-on-year and to create long-term sustainability.

Best People – we always take care to employ the best people, develop their competence, provide opportunities and inspire them to live our values.

Integrity – we can always be trusted to do the right thing.

I suspect neither Nick nor any of his illustrious Board members can ever again look at these without cringing with embarrassment!

I don't want to bang on about poor Nick, I really shouldn't single out G4S, after all they appear to be just one of many UK companies who have been caught either breaking the law, with their hands in the till or just being crap. However, I'm having fun so why not.

Poor, out of his depth, but highly paid, Nick tried to explain that the reason why things had gone belly up - security wise was because recruiting security staff was a complicated business. The words "complicated" and "100,000" (the number of applications) occurred rather too often in the interview.

Yes Nicholas, or do your friends call you Nicky?, that's what you signed up to manage: a highly complex operation. For goodness sake you proudly proclaim you employ over 600,000 people world-wide - can't manage to recruit 13,000? Mind you given what's crawling out from under your corporate pile your company's meaning  of "employing" appears to be rather restricted.

Can I suggest a Royal Commission on the State of Corporate Britain - 'cause it needs something to shift the pile of shit that's accumulated over the years, and piecemeal inquiries won't begin to touch the crap.


Steve said...

I'm not sure that 4GS will be needed. Our transport infrastructure will grind to a halt and nobody will turn up to watch the games anyway.

Hannah Denski said...

Let's just all sit back and let the chaos begin... sooner we're done with 'it' the better! :D

Twitter said...

Alastair Campbell@campbellclaret

G4S chief exec would inspire a bit more confidence if he got his hair trimmed. Security people should be smart

Marginalia said...

Dear Steve, I fear that is likely to be so. But the Gov't have just announced a £6 billion infrastructure programme - just like that. Amazing!

Marginalia said...

Dear Hannah, Do you know, I like you attitude to life.

Marginalia said...

Dear Twitter, He's only 50, but I agree he looks like one of the thugs his G4S guards would make short shift of.

Anonymous said...

I am sure that governance in the couture beading and embellishment industry would set an example to other sectors.

Marginalia said...

How right you are. Mrs C would be on to all this high jinks in no time.

Nick said...

I am sorry

I am sorry

I am sorry

Can I go now? I have got to pick up a management fee....

Marginalia said...

Dear Nick, "I'm Sorry" just doesn't cut the mustard.

Have you thought of waiving your bonus?

Nick said...

What's "waiving"?

Marginalia said...

In you're case a bit like drowning!

The Sagittarian said...

See, my theory is that this was all a cunning ruse by your Govt - they just wanted/needed an excuse to bring in the army but couldn't do it without looking like they were OTT. Now, it's a case of job done!

Marginalia said...

You Antipodeans, you see straight thro' us. Must be all that grass and sheep.

Anonymous said...

You are obviously too busy (transfixed?) with current events in East London to share your ruminations on the double dip, Syria etc with us. Such a waste!

Marginalia said...

Too right. As Danny Boyle's right hand man and senior advisor to Lord Coe and Boris the Buffoon, I'm fully occupied keeping the show on the road.

Anonymous said...

I thought Boris had had a haircut.

RubberCrutch said...

No new post since 14 July? Have you abandoned your station, sir? Have you been kettled to suppress your cheeky, cranky commentaries? Have they launched a surface-to-air missile up your fundament?

Honest to Pete (and I don't mean The Beatle They Left Behind), when I first heard about Voldemort versus Mary Poppins I assumed that it was a story from The Onion. But seriously: an epic battle between England-themed intellectual property owned by Warner Bros. and Disney?!? I would have expected something more traditionally British and yet even more topical: Iago versus Othello. We're having a presidential election based on that theme, in case you haven't heard.

Marginalia said...

Ah, my dear RubberCrutch. The fact that Mary Poppins and Harry Potter were bank rolled by our cousins across the pond bothered us not one iota. You see we have the creativity; you the dollars.

If you want to know something about the British Psyche(o?)look no further than Team GB's entry into the stadium - to Bowie's Heroes - "We can be Heroes just for one day"