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Monday, 2 April 2012

I Hate Meeces to Pieces

The panic is over: the trial Easter traffic jams at thousands of petrol stations have melted away, so today I went to top up my near empty tank.

I cannot lie I have been extremely scared these last 5 days; worried that my superior approach might mean running out of fuel. But today I headed for our local tax collection office (run by Sainsbury's); on the car's stereo was "The Cars"- something appropriate I thought.

No problem I breezed in, I breezed out...which was a bit of a bummer 'cause I really should have stopped and taken the opportunity to fill up.

The bloody mice have been at my seeds again. That's twice they've gnawed their way through my prize courgette and red pepper seeds, leaving a trail of terrible destruction.  I wouldn't mind but I thought I'd fixed the little blighters after their last assault on  what I hoped would be my prize winning crop of veggies.

I'd put the seeds in pots in a tray covered with a plastic cover. Well, they lifted that up with no trouble, climbed in and had an orgy of over indulgence. They didn't even have the decency to tidy up after their mess.

This time I'd put a large weight on top of the plastic cover. That would scupper their nonsense I thought. Not a bit of it.

We are quite close to the Olympic site and I reckon my population of mice have been interbreeding with the super, gold winning, weightlifting, Olympic champion mice from Albania. Yesterday, I was dumb founded to find the bloody plastic covers moved aside allowing the mice free entry. I know Easter's near but I didn't think mice were into rolling stones away. These little critters must have muscles upon muscles - I bet their whiskers are reinforced with titanium or some super doper mega metal.

After that I planted the seeds encased in stainless steel, padlocked the  trays to the bench and wrapped bands of high tensile steel over the covers. I've planted remotely triggered, tip-wired high explosives on the bench and steel fencing around the shed. That should keep them out.

The Queen came to visit last Thursday - she had a curry with the local dignitaries at the Assembly Hall. Our allotment is just behind that, but no one bothered to try to get a sneaky peep at Ma'am and PP. They had snipers on the roof of the Town Hall. One false move and there'd have been one allotment plot holder less.



6 comments:

Steve said...

I sympathise regarding the mices. The little buggers here ate all our birdseed and made a right mess in our shed.

Marginalia said...

Surely it's not worth growing bird seed

Harvey said...

Does your allotment sit on a grassy knoll?

Marginalia said...

Nope, but we have an arsey troll who tends a plot on the allotment.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry you will meet the Queen when you are summoned to Buck House to get your gong for past services to the Crown.

Marginalia said...

Dear Anon, that thought is such a comfort. Greatness comes to those who wait.