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Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Million Dollar Baby

One trillion pounds. Sort of rolls off the tongue doesn't it . One billion, billion pounds that's clumsier. £1,000,000,000,000,000,000; now that looks like a lot of boodle.

As I always say. If you're going to have a national debt make it a big one: people will respect you for it.

Joking aside, if I owed that kind of money I'd be worried. I'd certainly expect a letter from my bank (whichever server it's residing on), pointing out that I had a rather significant overdraft.

"That's OK." I'd say, "I'll borrow some more to pay off the interest. I'm good for it." That should reassure my bankers - not.

So I was rather surprised that our PM or his Chancellor didn't look rather abashed at the news. Didn't come out in a hot sweat at the thought of Sir Mervyn King taking away their cash and credit cards and banning any further bashes in Chelfont St Giles.

Imagine David Cameron opening the letter from the Bank over his buttered toast and Fanta, turning to missus C and saying "We'll have to cut back a bit you know my dear. No more Waitrose; it's strictly Lidl's from now on. You don't think you could borrow a pinta from George next door? "

And you know, I bet when he and George get together, they both shake their heads "I just don't know where the money's gone. Well there was the little matter of World War 11, and do you know, I still think we've one or two IOU's left over from the Boar War but I can't be sure."

"We'll just have to cut back...again."

The thing is if they had to call the receivers in I'm not sure they'd get much for the whole lot.

"Surely, the Olympic site is worth a bit more than 2s 6d? Now I know Canary Wharf is worth a bob or two, and her Maj has offered to help out with a few hundred million." "Look, we'll hand the whole lot over to that Chino-Russian consortium, we can't say fairer than that."

And then the Premier League makes a most generous offer. They'll bankroll the UK economy. Sell a few players, sign a few deals, cut out the football agents and in one go they'll be able to pay off the one trillion pound national debt and still have enough to  pay Tevez's salary for a  week or two.

It's a funny old game.

6 comments:

Georgey said...

Its a game of two halves.

We may be £1 trillion down at half time but come the second half when the private sector subs come on and do their stuff, then hey presto we will be winning (ie be in surplus)!

Marginalia said...

Dear Georgey, you're being ironic: right?

Your Vlad

Georgey said...

The party conference did not think so!

Steve said...

Cashforgold.com. That's what we need.

Marginalia said...

Dear Georgey, Sorry I thought you were a Russian oligarch. I now realise you're the son of an English wallpaper manufacturer.

Dear Steve, have you spoken to my very good friend King Midas.

Marginalia said...

Correct: In my enthusiasm I increased our national debt by a factor of a thousand. Not that it makes any real difference - it a lot of dosh.