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Friday, 26 August 2011

Gasoline Alley

Update on Spam a lot.

In fact the torrent has turned into a trickle. Not only that the nature of my spam has changed, and not necessarily for the better. No longer am I surrounded by nubile Russian temptresses offering all kinds of physical contortions and perversions (sigh). In fact, very few of the spam are of a sexual nature.

Only one. "Max-Gentleman" plies his sad trade trying to interest me in "Enlargement Pills" and, "Genuine Replica" luxury goods. I now get almost a warm glow seeing his moniker in my Spam box: bit like the local tramp or rag and bone man that used to pass my house regularly.

My spam world is littered with debt consolidators, ambulance chasers, and every sort of scum bag trying to cash in on people's misery and hard times. And, of course, the solar panel installers, promising a life time of cheap electricity and cash in hand. Their frequent appearances in spam land should tell you all you need to know about their proposition.

Not content with pestering me on the phone about PPI, bank and credit card charges, Belmont Thornton regularly stroll down Spam Alley encouraging me to put my trust and money in their sticky paws. And the government are so spineless that they claim such money grabbers have a place in our economy.

I think there's an opportunity for some clever dick to turn my spam into a arcade game. Each spam e-mail is turned into a bug or some such grotty character which slithers across my computer screen and I delete them, one by one, by blowing their heads off,or ripping them apart limb from limb, accompanied by blood curdling sound effects.

Some web based computer wizz kid at Google had too much time on his hands so he decided to up grade my g.mail in box.

Not only has he separated my mail into read and unread categories - thanks for nothing, he's "enlivened" the whole experience. Now when I've read all my mail up pops "Woohoo! You've read all the messages in your inbox." Pillock.

I ask you. Why doesn't he get a real job at MacDonald's or PizzaHut and stop farting around.


Steve said...

I'm getting loads of email at the moment claiming to show me how I can work for merely 2 hours a day but still earn a fortune. I suspect they want me to be a spammer.

I am seriously considering it.

Marginalia said...

Do you know I read that as spanner. And thought "poor lad, he's really down at the mo."