Saturday, 21 May 2011
End of the World
You still there? What a relief! I'd have hated you to have gone without me having the opportunity to say "Goodbye"/"Au Revoir".
I have to confess the end of days has completely passed me by. I awoke this morning to the news that things were going to change quite dramatically today.
It's the usual end of the world stuff we've seen before. Fireballs falling out of the sky, monsters from the deep swallowing huge cruise liners, earthquakes aplenty, boils, and the Beatles reformed.
I hadn't heard of Harold Camping before today, but he seems pretty confident that starting at 6pm New Zealand time, things will start getting terminal ("Oh no,not again" I hear the Sagittarian bemoaning).
It's all predicted in the Bible, this Rapture (Ed: shouldn't it be "rupture?). According to Harold there's a hidden Biblical calender which dates the Rapture some 722,500 days after the Crucifixion of Jesus - don't ask me to explain his reasoning.
But the 21st May is not the End, it's the beginning of the End for most of us (according to the lunatics 200 million of them will be saved). The end of the End will be the 21st October, but if Harold's right that's of minor concern to most of us.
I'm disappointed to say that quite a few people aren't taking this that seriously, which is a shame and possibly a terminal mistake. According to the Associated Press " In Oakland, atheists planned a gathering at a local Masonic temple to include group discussions on "The Great Success of Past Apocalypses," followed by dinner and music." I bet the stand out tune will be "The Last Waltz".
I have to admit to some admiration for old Harold. He's a real stickler, having raised millions of dollars he's been pumping out the "Good News" (sic) for years. If you're looking for a fun radio station I recommend "Family Radio Worldwide" but hurry time's running out.
Harold's been here before. He predicted in 1992 that we would all get our comeuppance in 1994 (Jesus's Second Coming) and unless I missed something he was wrong. According to his website it was a reasonable mistake - he didn't have all the facts. Although it must have come as somewhat of a disappointment to those of his followers who had given away everything confident that they wouldn't be needed in 1995.
For those of you into Rapture can I suggest "Rapture Ready" - no End of Dayist should be without it.
Finally, and I mean that most seriously folks, if most of us are about to not meet our Maker we ought to go out laughing.
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
"The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?’"
Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "OK, where are you from, jackass?"