I've given up writing about topical issues: war, taxes, football, that sort of stuff. I've decided that my creative juices should lubricate more transcendental matters. No longer will I rant on about the state of this or that or the other (especially the other).
Never again will you hear me belabour poor William Hague for being a midget and a Yorkshireman with a funny voice. I will desist from raving at Alex Ferguson for consuming Lithuania's year's supply of chewing gum during extra time, or chastising The Daily Mail for being..the Daily Mail.
From now on my thoughts will be on higher things. I will philosophise, I will speculate and cogitate on the nature of reality and the meaning of life. I will commune with the Buddha, converse with Plato and, if I'm lucky, conjugate with Marilyn.
What, dear reader, you are asking, has brought about this change. Have I been on the road to Damascus? Did I glimpse infinity in a buttercup? Has Prof Brian Cox explained the secrets of the universe and BBC3's programming schedule? Did I share a urinal with David Attenborough?
Nothing so banal. No, I had a truly transforming, transmogrifying, t
Forget all you know. Forget the Bible, the Qur'an, the Torah, and any other large indigestible book you can think of ( His Dark Materials?). Think (new) ProPoints Plan and find ambrosia ( the non fattening variety of course).
What more final, decisive command can you want: "This time decide to lose weight for the last time"!
Such finality, such layers of meaning! And as you read on you realise it's only just begun (to quote one of Weight Watchers most successful converts). This is not just weight loss for weight loss's sake; there's the knowledge of the ancients behind it - "It's a new way to think about food with a new philosophy behind it based on the latest science."
I'm not on my own, beginning my personal journey into weightlessness. I have Sue to guide me, who's gone from a size 20 to a size 10 in (just) four months. A lost soul, 50 year old Sue has now, through, ProPoints re-discovered her centre, her confidence. She now eats to live life, not the other way round...???
Listen to Sue in her own words:
"I also liked that I could have meals with other people and they wouldn’t have any idea I was on a diet!" Inspiring or what!
The mysteries. So important in these transcendental states. Weight Watchers has their own. It's called "Are You Water Wise?" Further evidence, if any was needed, that this sect originated in the deserts of the Near East.
And so we come full circle. ProPoints Plan kicks away the foundations of the old religions and in its place is "Wow" and the promise of a Toasted Crumpet at only 3 ProPoints as a portal to the new covenant.