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Monday, 10 January 2011

Dirty Laundry

London is a great city. It has all the attributes a great city should have. A city as ancient as ours has much to recommend it - the palaces, the ancient churches and much much more.

The sights of London! What visions of prosperity, of artistic endeavour and creative dynamism. No wonder London won the 2012 Olympics - we are a natural.

Walthamstow, its roots going back to the Saxons, is in the London Borough of Waltham Forest which is an "Olympic borough". Not that any of the Olympic events will actually take place here but that's by the by. And we have much to be proud of including  many sights of interest to stimulate and enthrall any visitor to our borough.

One such sight was reported by a Neighbourhood Watch member in an e-mail sent to me, amongst others. I quote:

"In the early hours of the 18th December 2010, a man indecently exposed himself to me while (how should I put this delicately(!) committing a "lewd act".  This was at the bottom of Aubrey Road, where it connects to Byron Rd.    I reported this to the police and they have been very helpful..... the police have identified a "prime suspect"...  Unfortunately, due to lack of evidence and being a rather sketchy witness, it is unlikely that an arrest can be made, but if anyone else is unlucky enough to come across this delightful man in the future, I would urge them to ring the police ASAP (rather than the following day, as I did) as they have him on their radar, and would certainly take you seriously."

Well, it makes a change from the usual fly tipping and vomit that tend to decorate our streets.

Taking about unpleasant personal habits (I take it we're all agreed that exposing yourself counts as one) the nation was recently scandalised by the admission of one of our best loved radio stars. If it have been any other presenter on any other programme  no one would have turned a hair. This, however, came out on "Woman's Hour"..... I'll pause for a moment to let that sink in..... Jane Garvey admitted that she didn't always change the bed sheets when guests stayed. I have to tell you my wife and I were shocked to the core and had I not been giving the marital bed sheets their annual change I would have had to have lain down.

This admission on live radio at 10:20 in the morning - scientifically proven to be the time of day when mothers and housewives are most vulnerable - created a storm of comment which is still reverberating today. But not content with that Woman's Hour had the nerve this morning to run a discussion with Jane in the chair on
How often should you change your bedsheets? 

What we learnt about the stars' personal bedtime habits was quite worrying. Some have rules about when sheets are changed! If a man, a teenager (especially a teenager!), someone who's had  a beer and curry or a lactating mother sleeps in a bed the sheets are changed. If it's a (clean) friend or member of the family then you don't bother.

Interesting what appeared to be otherwise sensible people somehow believe that couples refrain from (how can I put it delicately) ...nocturnal manoeuvres when staying with friends.

Dear Jane nearly had a fit when one of her studio guests admitted that when she stayed with friends she would strip the bed and bring the bed linen downstairs to be washed. Jane unashamedly owned up that she'd remake the bed with the same sheets once the guest had left !!!

Learning that, it became frighteningly clear why her marriage to Adrian Chiles did not last.

I will not elaborate on a tale told by one of the guests whose (I hope) ex boy friend had a black and brown duvet cover which he never changed because it was a present from his mother. The mind just succumbs to such barbarism.

Well there you have it. Life rich, raw and surprisingly dirty even in the smartest of establishments.


The Sagittarian said...

Crikey, you mean there are rules about this? How come I didn't know that, I shall have to contact my mother and advise her she has failed in passing on this doemstic detail! Oh dear, I guess I should just ask guests to bring their own sleeping bags or something...throw a bit of sawdust on the floor with hay for a pillow?

Barry Coidan said...

I'm sure you turn down the sheets and puff up the pillows beautifully.