Crystal Palace in Walthamstow - I have already ordered the chandeliers.
Now what about that 20 stone woman who got stuck in (on?) the imaginatively name Splash Waterworld water slide at Butlin's, Minehead? These are the stories that make UK journalism what it is.
The poor woman had to be rescued by fire crews (three fire engines and two ambulances) and 100 people were evacuated from the slide - there was a risk of a collapse.
All serious stuff given that Lord Young has been resurrected by our beloved PM to review "elf and safety". You see the weight limit on the water slide is 20 stone per dingy and our stuck lady was sharing a (high visibility) yellow dingy with another woman. Well, we're told by a spokesman that woman weighed in at around 16 stones ( I assume they have one of those weigh bridges at the start of the slide), but a witness to the blockage said that they thought she was at or over the 20 stone limit on her own.
It all gets rather slippery at this stage - unlike the slide. Apparently the primary cause of the dingy sticking was not the lady's size or weight but a lack of water: because of a faulty pump. During the rescue the woman slipped and fell, suffering suspected spinal injuries.
You can hear the ambulance chasers already.
A final mot: Being bright is not the same as being sensible or wise. Just ask Stephen Fry.