"British Astronomers discover biggest star ever!".
My little pigeon chest swelled up with pride. A star 250 times bigger than the sun:; million times brighter and blowing off so much material that it's lost a third of its mass in the blink of a cosmic eye. And a Brit discovered it!
It's not that far away. A mere stroll round the corner astronomically speaking - a couple of hundred thousand light years.
Set off at a modest pace, say one hundredth the speed of light, for the exotically named R136a1 and by the time you would have reached it - 24 million years hence - it would no longer be there. Such is the rate at which these monsters consume themselves that in a thrice they are gone, disgorging their guts into space in a final, violent eruption.
In their behaviour these majestic stellar behemoths, in self destructing in the time it takes a gnat to fart, are very much like our beloved Coalition Government.
Can it be only two months ago that we stared out onto a new dawn, populated by bright shiny people - Dave, Nick, George and William. Their eyes were bright with promise and in their hands they held the sword of rectitude, good governance and Mrs Beeton's "Household Management". With alacrity they slew the duplicitous Brownian motions and with unerring judgement we found our ship of state sailing majestically, if rather slowly, through the tempestuous seas of deficits and near zero growth. Heading for fabled Erytheia , Albion would again find its true destiny.
We have the spectacle of the Education Secretary, unable to correctly publish a list of cancelled school building projects. David the Camembert saying one thing about our withdrawal from the Afghanistan and only a back bench MP available to explain what the PM meant. Apparently no one in the Government knew or if they did they didn't believe it.
Then finally Nick, the loose cannon, standing in for Bro' Dave at Prime Minister's Questions, telling MPs that the war in Iraq was illegal. I'm sure Tony Blair's delighted to hear that the UK Government which, not so long ago, he headed thinks he ought to be up there with Milosevic, Stalin and Idi Amin - to name but a few. No 10 subsequently clarified the position - Clegg the Peg was expressing his own personal view. Great, not only is he a blabber mouth he's stupid.
So there you have it. British scientists have discovered this freak of nature hundreds of light years away. They needn't have bothered.
We've our own just down the road, opposite Parliament Square.
Makes you proud to support the England football team.