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Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Sexual Healing

The local paper “Waltham Forest Guardian” has its detractors. Often it is called pedestrian, which is not always its fault given the type of story it tends to cover. Inane local government politics, endless tales of inefficiency in our town halls and the (mis)adventures of our local constabulary. But once in a while a story emerges that is a godsend to our local rag. 

The plight of one Edward Hughes is such a journalistic gem. Mr Hughes is a 79 year old great grandfather who for the last 2 years has been plagued by what can only be called “inappropriate” junk mail. Popping through the letter box at Mr Hughes’s home in County Durham these last 24 months have been leaflets alerting this near octogenarian to the benefits of penile enlargement, along with other products of a sexual nature. Mr Hughes has made it quite clear to the offending company on a number of occasions that he isn’t in the market for such products. To no avail; the Woodford Green company “Elite Fulfillment” (sic) seems to have a problem in the receiving and understanding department.

When Mr Hughes moved to his house two years ago junk mail was arriving addressed to the previous owner. Mr Hughes phoned the company asking them to stop sending the mail, but the brainless or opportunistic company simply changed the name of the addressee. When asked “Do you want to be a stallion?” our retired journalist and lecturer has replied decidedly “No, no and no again! I’ve other things on my mind at my age, including writing my memoirs.” 

Google “Elite Fulfillment” and you’ll find a Canadian company based in British Columbia (BC) who offer an “Elite Fulfillment Affiliate Programme”, where you, as an affiliate, can “capitalise on the explosive sales of our Virility-RX Penis Enlargement supplements”.

There is no indication that the Woodford Green company has any direct connection with the Canadian firm. The BC company doesn't deal solely with herbal sex treatments offering  “cures” for insomnia, acne and arthritis as well. However, their strong suit is sexual healing.

Take it away Marvin.

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