Sounds of Silence

I've gone partially deaf in both ears. It's got progressively worse over about 3 weeks. To begin with it was not too bad and I bought some ear wax removing fluid - the stuff that's a mixture of olive oil and high explosives - well it sounds like that when it's in your ears. 

That didn't work so I went on line to my surgery to explain my problem and the next day a doctor called me. He advised olive oil drops in each ear, leaving it in for 15 mins and doing daily for 2 to 3 weeks. If that doesn't work I'm to get in touch again and he'd fix me with an appointment to have my ears syringed. That wouldn't happen for a couple of weeks as the surgery's not fully open.

I dutifully poured top grade mechanically pressed Greek olive oil into each ear. I even made my own dispenser to drip measured drops into my lugholes. But it didn't work. My deafness grew. I imagined a European size olive oil lake now lodged behind a barrier of wax. Besides the deafness, my ears ring and I feel some pressure from the lobe locked lake of oil.

Television is fun. Either the volume has to be so loud the TV jumps off the Cabinet it sits on or we have to watch programmes with subtitles. Catch up TV doesn't run to subtitles so if we're watching a 1992 episode of "Jonathan Creek" my wife has to give a running commentary in between snide remarks about Caroline Quintin's eating habits. Luckily I know Morse and Frost off by heart so the loss of sound is no problem.

What is a problem is holding a conversation. I had a meeting yesterday. There were six of us - I hadn't the faintest idea what was going on. My interjections were so mistimed people burst out laughing. It's no laughing matter! My wife now speaks to me in a very measured manner with hugely exaggerated shaping of her mouth. Today I met some neighbours who I hadn't seen for a while. There was much to catch up with but social distancing and my cloth ears meant I learnt bugger all - except how to nod and smile at the appropriate time.

The missus got so fed up with this that she booked me in for an appointment this coming Saturday. The trouble was when they phoned me with the details I had no idea what they'd said. Luckily she had them.

It has got me down, but I don't think it's permanent. If it is the up side is I can get a dog -a hearing one.