Life's Little Annoyances

I've decided to ditch the car.

The battery's flat - again. At the beginning of the year after another flat battery episode I had it upgraded and the electrics checked. It did wonders for the car but one weekly shop and a trip or two to the allotment doesn't keep the battery properly topped up and in good condition. I'd noticed  the engine struggled to turn over the last time before the lock down and not using it since hadn't helped.

Following that experience I bought an expensive solid state jump starter. For added security I kept it in the boot of my car...I suspect you know where this is going.

With a flat battery central locking doesn't work - especially the boot which stays stubbornly locked. In our boot is stored not only my flash jump starter but also dog food and cat litter. The weather has turned warm and sunny. Day long sunshine on an all black car rapidly heats up enclosed spaces like a locked boot. I had an apocalyptic vision of exploding dog food cans and serious questions being asked by the security services. Not to mention a foul smelling car boot and interior.

I needed to get into my boot. That, I thought, shouldn't be a problem. If the battery is flat and you can't electronically unlock the car you can do so mechanically. My car manual showed me how. I just had to insert the key into the driver's door lock, turn it to the right as far is it would go and turn it back again unlocking all four doors - except the boot. As the car was a hatchback all I had to do was to pull down one of the rear seats to get to the tins, cat litter and that piece of electronic wizardry.

I did as instructed: the driver's side back door refused to budge. I tried the passenger's side front and back doors - not a sausage - I even tried the boot. I must have missed something so I went back to the manual. I had - it said unequivocally if the child lock was engaged I was "fucked".

I'm a  cautious, safety conscious person and a car parked on a public road is a temptation to the criminal classes. We don't have kids who might playfully open a door as the car hammered down the M11, but as an extra security measure I had - electronically - engaged the child lock. With a flat  battery I couldn't disengage it and unlock the doors manually.

I'm neither plump nor tall. I am however rather arthritic. Climbing over the two front seats to get into the back would be a challenge but I might squeeze between them if the gap is wide enough. I pushed the driver's seat as far back as it would go and the front passenger's seat as far forward as possible. That provided the space to clambour into the back, pull down the seat and remove the precious items stored there.

With the jump starter I could start the car but not while we're in lock down. Starting the car would mean a long, long run to properly charge up the battery. I'm not a Chief Medical Officer or Minister of State and anyway I haven't enough petrol for such a journey and don't fancy filling up at a petrol station in the current circumstances.

When I get the car going my one and, possibly, only trip is to a second hand car dealership.

The lockdown provides society with a whole range of diversions. I thought I'd share one of mine.