Gypsy

I'm so glad I'm not a parent. If it's not the horror of your darling off springs mutating in front of your very eyes: changing from sweet darlings into X Factor wannabes, it's education.

You know how it is. You pay your taxes - if you're not self employed, a banker or extremely wealthy - and you expect something in return. A Navy, an Army and an Air force. Police, Rat Catchers, Traffic Wardens and Education.

What was it Tony Blair said, "Education, Education, Education."? What sounded like a promise turned out to be nothing like it. All that money, all that hot air and still your kids can't read or write. Unless of course you have more money.

Which is just what poor battered parents find themselves having to find. How do you find the funds for the repairs to the school, which if you had to wait 'til the Council coughed up the readies your kid would be a grandma. What about the new audio-visual kit which the kids at the neighbouring school have. If your school doesn't up grade you'll never hear the end of it.

So you organise a fund raising event. Such a bad move.

I don't suppose the inhabitants of the quiet village of Claverings in Essex ever expected to see themselves featured in the national press. Luckily it's only in "The Telegraph" at the moment, but the story's too good for the Red Tops to leave alone.

The Friends of Clavering had the bright idea of holding an event to raise funds for the local primary schools. Well done you!

Being Essex mums it wasn't to be a whist drive or a staid bingo night. Oh no, it was to be the Full Monty. Male strippers, All the Way Jay and Tommy Love gave of their all in front of a clamouring audience of mums - dads were at home keeping an eye on the little kiddywinks. The two male strippers may have cost £800 (for that sort of dosh I'd want more than a quick flash) but the event raised £1560 for the schools. Well done you!

Except not everyone was delighted. A mother-of-five, who asked not to be named, said she thought the night was "disgusting". Breathing heavily she continued "I am not a prude – I have worked in bars all my life – but you can't have these events associated with our children's education. I have told the school and the head teacher my feelings but they have not responded so I am taking my children out".

Another scandalised Essex wife  Melody Carter, who has lived in the village for 40 years and has seen her sons and grandsons attend the school, added: "I fully understand how strapped for cash some rural schools are, but I have a problem with using something as distasteful as this to raise money."

It was rumoured that one of the audience joined the strippers on stage. No doubt she was polishing up her X factor piece.

A spokesman for the company that supplied the strippers said that the mums enjoyed the night. He added: "When you see the words male stripper it can sound seedy but we offer something for everyone including comedy, music and dancing." Good for you!

A spokesman for the primary school, after confirming that a health and safety risk assessment was performed before the event was allowed to take place and that sufficient resuscitation units were in place just in case, agreed that such an event was unlikely to happen again.

Although he didn't quite put it like that.