Big Balls

"Embarrassing Bodies", a TV programme where people too embarrassed to see their doctor about their complaint parade all before an audience of millions.

It's after the watershed (9 pm) so that's alright, and you should have finished supper by the time it's on. Although a late supper can be ruined if you happen to catch the programme.

Last night's episode came up to its usual high standards. Besides the usual hideous dental cases, lactating male tits and amazingly grotesque gout, we were entertained by a woman with poo problems, a young man with dick difficulties and the sight of a mad scientist sticking her head down people's throats to gauge the hideousness of their halitosis.

To be honest, if I want to see fanny and dick at the same time I go to www.dirtydick.com  I don't expect to see them on telly, unless, of course, it was a "Wednesday Play" in the '60's. ( I still remember the disappointment in watching "The Year of the Sex Olympics"). No, I may be a prude but the idea of housewives and young mums exposing all to the viewing public strikes me as being a bit off. I'm surprised Melanie Philips hasn't raged about it as a sign of Leftie influences ruining society.

The programme's a fraud. It's oh so serious and well meaning, except they have a "Embarrassing Bodies" bus that tours  towns drumming up business. It's a freak show. Last night's was a case in point. A woman with a really distressing complaint which made going for a dump a horror; and a poor man with the most deformed joints as a result of gout.

The obvious question in all these cases is why these people haven't been seen by a doctor before presenting themselves to the masses.  If they have, why hasn't the GP, surgeon, consultant been struck off.

I've had it. It's  the "Antiques Roadshow" and nothing else from now on. You know where you stand with worthless bits of tat.

Not meaning you Fiona, my love.