The Great Depression

Depression, fevers, headaches, listlessness. These are not what I get when thinking about our political leaders, although they could be. These are some of the side effects that have been visited on me by the wonder drug Methotrexate.

I recall most clearly two things said to me by the medical gurus. My consultant said: "I've treated thousands of my patients with this and not one has had a severe reaction". My Nurse Practitioner only told me about "Loss of hair, ulcers, stomach upsets". Nothing about feeling like you're walking through a tub of treacle, or that you'd lose any interest in anything!

On Saturday, I was so enervated I didn't get up until 11 am, spent most of the day in a stupor falling asleep in the chair in the afternoon. Oh, during the night my legs ached terribly.

I went on line and looked at an analysis of people's experience of taking the stuff. The experiences were rated 1= never again, it was horrid to 5= no probs. The average was 3. Interestingly many stayed on the stuff even though the side effects turned them into zombies and/or suicide watch candidates because it really did wonders for their arthritis etc. One respondent felt trapped. Couldn't give up the drug because he couldn't bear the pain and the handicap of his arthritis without it. Wanted desperately to get off the drug to regain some sense of reality.

In most cases the really bad side effects only last a day or so after taking the weekly tablets, mine hung around for 3 or 4 days, but I'm hoping that as my body adjusts to being reprogrammed chemically the effects will diminish as will their duration.

So I'll stick with the treatment until my next appointment with the consultant in 6 weeks time.

The one advantage is I've given up drinking, and I think I'm looking, I certainly feel, trimmer. Also I didn't realise how much of my evenings were spent in a slight alcoholic haze.

Bought a couple of hundred pounds worth of shares today. One company mines in Mozambique - no risk there then, the other produces bull serum for the farming industry - I'm hoping they'll counter the bear market.