Army Dreamers

 I must stop doing this - falling in love with politicians (female ones). I never had the hots for Cherie Blair (does she count?) or Harriet Herman, although I got rather hot under the collar whenever Caroline Spelman  appeared on the box. As for Hazel Blears, well I might not have thought she handled her finances that well, but I couldn't fault the way she handled herself.

I thought I'd got over that "infantile" infatuation with powerful, if rather short women, but today my little heart was beating like a good'n, and not because of the medication I'm on.  Yvette Cooper, you have my troth. Today you won my heart, and other assorted bits of me.

It's not often that the Parliamentary Channel is erotically charged, when usually the screen is filled up with bulging bellies, arthritic knees and glimpses of Top Cat themed socks and slipped bras. Today it was different. It's not that the Attoney General hasn't a pleasant enough face: I had no difficulty listening to him explaining why the police appeared to be taking payments from The News of The World (NoTW), or why one shouldn't jump to the conclusion that there was some connection between that and the police's earlier failure in following up the mountains of evidence they had about NoTW inspired phone hacking. The Rt Hon Dominic Grieve has a rather pleasing voice and I noticed that all his front bench remained awake until the end of his opening statement today on the phone hacking saga.

However, when Yvette (I hope she won't mind me calling by her first name: already I feel close) stood up to reply on behalf of Her Majesty's loyal Opposition I was captivated. Is it just me, but isn't she just sex on legs; and brainy too! What a woman, with powerful shoulders and a sort of Joan of Arc haircut that had me a trembling with anticipation and ardour.

I'm not sure I can call to mind what she actually said but I'm sure it was extremely wise and compassionate in equal parts. It must have been 'cause Ed Miliband was constantly nodding in agreement. Unfortunately, he was often in shot as the dear Yvette was speaking and that rather spoilt my viewing pleasure, but her melodious voice enchanted and enraptured me as she banged on about something having to be done about this Murdoch man and the Evil Empire that is News Corp International.

At that point, unfortunately, I rather drifted off, thinking that the dear old Opposition was in power when all this phone hacking malarkey kicked off in 2002. I also recalled that Mr Blair, our beloved leader of not so long ago, and now sainted international mediator, was rather cosy with the Murdochs. Oh well you can't have everything.

I've written off to Yvette's  private office for signed photograph "To Barry, Love and kisses Yvette" that sort of thing; nothing too overly affectionate just yet.

Maybe that journalist friend could get me her mobile number - just want to express my admiration you understand. And absolutely no hacking into her private texts between her and hubby Ed.