Drivin' along in my automobile

My life under a microscope. This is the price one pays for trying to get the best deal.
 
You will, of course, remember my adventures only last month trying to get my car insured without doing a "Portugal" and going cap in hand to the ECB (European Central Bank) for an eye watering loan. In the end I fastened onto a delightful company called "Insurethebox"; not as some people, including me, have called it -"Insureyourbox" which has completely different connotations. 

You may recall that for a significantly lower premium, I had promised not to drive more than 6000 miles a year, to drive at, or around, the legal limit always, not to drive at night, during the rush hour and only to venture onto motorways in dire emergencies.

My insurance came into effect on 3rd April and I have my own online portal, which was activated after my first 60 km. Today, I visited it.

Now remember this is touted as the same technology that is used in Formula One racing, monitoring every exciting aspect of those mechanical marvels' performance. This cutting edge technology, in which the UK leads the world, is straining at the leash to compute and analysis my performance.

It's a bit of a damp squid I have to admit. I can't really say I'm disappointed - ever since last year's Safer Driving course I've been driving like there's a man with a red flag ahead of me. However, if this telemetric read out says anything  - boring, grey, uninteresting, stick in the mud are a few expressions to describe my existence on this dear planet of ours - or about a 4 mile square centred on our house.

The details:

Month	Total Time (HH:MM:SS)	Total Distance (Miles)	Avg. Distance (Miles)	Avg. Speed (MPH)	Avg. Time (HH:MM:SS)	Motorway (Percent)	Parked (Percent)
Total	00:56:39	7.7	1.3	8	00:09:27	0%	99%
April

If this were the read out of a life support system they have switched it off.

In 5 days I have driven 8 miles at an average speed of 8 mph (It's to the allotment and back three times and a trip to the Supermarket today). Nowhere near a motorway, and as far as I can see the car (which looks like it can move like shit off a shovel) has been stationary for 99% of the time.

I don't need insurance I need a life!